The past two days I have been walking around in a fog. I feel like I am stuck between two worlds and unable to grab on to either. I have gone from being numb, to crying over the littlest things, to being numb again. Trying to unpack ... both literally and what sits in my heart seems to be an impossible task. How do I do life knowing what I know now? How do I do life now being responsible for what I have seen?
I left here not knowing one person on my team. Yes, I had made connections through face book but as my team leader would say "I was going afraid". Heading off to a country I had never been to with 30 people I didn't know seemed daunting. I knew the Lord was calling me though to this trip .. I mean, he did complete every portion needed to assure I was a part of the team. There was no doubt in my mind that this was my time. "Such a time is this" ... little did I know!
I arrived in Washington as sick as a dog. Bronchitis and a sinus infection left me lifeless. We spent the night there before boarding our plane the next morning for Ethiopia. I secluded myself to my room and cried ... I felt awful, yearned for home and for my family! But, he had so much more in store. How quickly 30 strangers became my family is a testimony of God's love.
I left alone and came home with a family I miss terribly! I left scared to death and yet boarded a plane back home full of tears and with the worst ache in my stomach and heart as I said good bye to sisters and brothers I cherished. They got what I felt and feel. They understand it, have experienced it and yearn for the very thing I yearn for. We are forever connected!
I hope to spend the next couple of posts trying to capture a little bit of what I saw, experienced and felt during my 12 days there. I know one day that I will want to share with Levi what I learned about the country that he was born into. Oh how I yearn for him to know and love it the way I do! Truly, Ethiopia is the most beautiful place I have ever been ... only at first glance you may question it's beauty as from the naked eye, it wouldn't necessarily appear to be so. Look deeper though, the beauty lies in the people. How precious is each smile and face! The heartbeat and pulse of it's existence! How do I put into words the most amazing people I have ever met?
It's funny, one sets out on a mission trip thinking that we are bringing so much to them. We set out thinking that we get to serve the "least of these". How quickly the Lord showed me the contrary. It takes me back to the scripture where he says "The first shall be last". Oh how true that scripture feels. Here, we have abundance and live comfortably and yet in the 12 days I was away, I learned how little we truly have. I come home and realize how much joy, contentment and abundance we really lack.
I left a country that had everything this world would ask for to serve in a country that this word says has nothing. I came home realizing that Ethiopia is the country who is rich; rich in love, relationship, joy and contentment. Rich in HIS presence. Africa may just be the closest thing to the Kingdom this side of heaven. I felt him, I heard him, I touched him, I saw him!
Jesus tells us in Matthew that "whatever you do to the least of these, you do unto me". Oh my how that scripture has new life in my heart. He walks the streets freely in Ethiopia. He heals, he loves, he embraces! He is not hindered by anything or anyone.
As I walked the streets of Korah, I learned what Joy and Life truly looks like! As I loved on children who dug from a trash pile to eat, I saw what abundance looked like. As I prayed over a dying girl and then watched her walk to our side a few hours later, I saw what healing is! As I fit the feet of over 1,000 people with new shoes, I saw what appreciation, joy and hope looks like.
How do I put each experience into words? How do I ever give one that has never been a true picture of it's reality. I think it's impossible and yet I yearn for each of you to know, feel, see, smell and touch what I have experienced. It is abundance! It is LIFE!
Ethiopia stole a piece of my heart. With each embrace, each kiss and each smile, a part of me went with it. I am forever changed! I am forever burdened! I am forever broken! I am responsible!
As I process, I will share some pictures of our time. I know you will enjoy the photos as much as I enjoyed taking them so be patient with me and stay tuned ... there is much to come as the Lord allows me to unpack each moment into words and pictures.
Levi, you are out there. I saw you in many children's faces. I saw your smile amongst the crowd. I felt your hand, I felt your touch and I saw your LIFE! Now that i have seen ... I cannot wait to KNOW who you are!
1 comments:
I will wait with eager anticipation as you tell your story in your time. I'm so very proud of you girl.
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