Perspective ... it IS a beautiful thing!

So now that he's "ours", I would love to share a little more of our story.  I have been wanting to get some of this down on paper (um, er, blog) so that when I am old and grey I can re-tell my beautiful boy all about the story that the Lord was writing - long before we knew he was busy writing it.   I don't want to forget the places along the way that I had come to learn were the fingerprints of God.

July 27 2010,  we set out to adopt a little person from Ethiopia.  At that time, we weren't sure if it would be a boy or a girl but we knew that it was a child somewhere between 3 and 4.  It didn't take long though that it was decided it was a boy ... something about 3 kids yelling brother and naming him from the backseat of the car might have been a clue.  To add, I had had several dreams where I saw the same little  boy ... in a blue sweater.   It all seemed to make sense to us and so there you go,  
it's a boy!

The paperwork process began and off we went walking confidently into the financing portion of our adoption.  We had a plan and a way until about ... oh ... 6 whole weeks into the process and Doug lost $5,000 out of his monthly income.  Yep, there it went, the confidence and the finances - all in one dark day.

So, there I sat at church on a Sunday morning in September in tears.  Sobbing my way through worship I realized I was so mad.  Mad and confused!  Why in the world had we heard the Lord say "go" ... and if we really even did, why would this happen now?  I couldn't wrap my head around the why's of it all.  Those moments felt so overwhelming ... like the grief you encounter during a horrible loss ... which didn't make sense to me at all.  I couldn't figure out his timing ... but just kept telling Doug that I knew he had said "NOW".    Doug agreed ... and so we kept walking.

That next Friday night, two friends arrived at our door.  They had a proposal for us ... they wanted to help us put together a garage sale to help us raise some of the funds we needed for the journey that lay ahead.  I remember sitting on the couch bewildered.  We barely even really "knew" this couple.  Sure, we had run in somewhat the same crowd at church at one time but that was so long ago.  I sat listening to this precious couple tell us how they wanted to serve and help US and yet I couldn't figure out really, what had prompted their hearts!

That week, on September 11 2010, I wrote this post!  And during that week the Lord gave me this scripture;

"I will answer them before they even call to me.  While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers".  Isaiah 65:24

Little did I know just how relevant that scripture was ... not just for me, but for my son.  It was that week, on September 22 2010 that our Zebene was taken by his birth Mom to the orphanage.  On that day, he became an orphan ... and on that day - September 22, 2010, we also turned in all our paperwork to our social worker so we could begin the home study portion of our process.  We were still waking this journey!  
It wasn't just our needs he was considering.  He didn't just show up in our finances through the heart of sweet friends.  No, all the while, a beautiful young woman was making the hardest decision of our her life and he was busy going to work getting a family 1/2 way around the world ready to bring him HOME ... heartache and all ... we were walking through each door!  

Fast forward some months ... 7 of them.    On May 24, 2010 I blogged about how the Lord was preparing our hearts for our little boy.   On that day I wrote this post.  On that day I wrote these words

Last night I had the most vivid dream of our referral moment and the moment I saw your face.  My heart must be well prepared and perhaps the day will soon come indeed.  We will only know when he shows us his hand and his timing.   Though it doesn't feel perfect, we know it is.

I wanted you to know though, Levi, as you look back at your journey that each and every night we prayed for you and your arrival home.  We dreamt of you, talked of you and included thoughts of you in all of our preparations and plans.  Yesterday during nap time your big sister Maliah was crying.  It was an intense set of emotions she was going through and without prompting she said "I miss my Levi and want him home".  You are talked of often and I believe in our hearts, you have been born.  Watching the swell of emotions from your 5 year old sister reminds me of this truth.

Though we can't see the Lord at work in this story, we know he is.  Much like each day, we can't see our breathe or the wind in the air ... it is there.  So is his presence and his hand in your story.  We may not see it now, in this moment what he is up to ... but I think our spirit does.  He is preparing a place for you ...

On that very day, May 24 2010, our little boy was being brought from the Shalom Children's Hope Orphanage to the Transitional Home of our adoption agency where he would be prepared and readied for his new family.  Yes, on that day ... the Lord really was preparing a place for you, Zebene, and along with that place, he was preparing our hearts!  

And most recently, the Lord showed us just how hard the enemy is at work to try and assure that you would not come home.  But we know what the Lord says ... If our God is with us, then what can stand against us?  

As I recently wrote about it,  here, our travels to get to you was less than easy.  75 LOOONG hours full of one trial after another.  I will never forget after about 48 hours of chaos, Dakota telling me that "Jesus's angels and the enemy's Demons were fighting for us ... but that that was o.k., because we KNEW who would win".   Boy, did I ever need that reminder in that moment.  It was those words that bought me the next 24 hours.  

As we were on our last plane and arriving in Ethiopia, I wrote that post above.  Of course, you can imagine how drained both emotionally and physically we were in those moments.  We were sure we would never make it to Africa.  As our plane was landing I remember looking down and seeing my blue eyed beauty in tears.  Tears!  I asked her what was wrong thinking that something had happened and she shook her head and then through broken words began to explain that she was overcome with joy.  Her tears, were tears of JOY!   She had seen us WIN!  

I wrote that post and received many different comments and reflections from some of you.  Mostly encouragement from those who read on.  Bewilderment from others who couldn't believe we had made it through such an ordeal ... in one piece and still had smiles on our faces.   I know,  I was just as bewildered.  That alone is a finger print of God I shouldn't forget.  
But there was one comment that has always left me puzzled.  The one comment that seemed to work hard to set me into my place ... telling me that I should stop and consider just how much our little boy had been through.  The tone of the comment letting me know that somehow, they didn't appreciate my reflection of my 75 hours and that they thought in some way I had never stopped and considered the loss, grief and trials my own son had encountered to get to this place.  I suppose seeing my hours as simple, nagging complaints.  The comment told me that I didn't need to ever understand why I had missed two days with my boy ... and ended by telling me "perspective was a beautiful thing".

But alas, so much of what you said was wrong ... and yet,  so much was right.  First, I have always wanted to comment on your comment that would suggest that we have never considered the loss, grief and trials our son had to encounter to find his way into our lives.  Are you kidding me???  I live this ... daily!  This aint our first disco.  We live daily the reality of what brokenness does in a child.  We have not only considered it ... but we have are learning with each day how to live it!  Secondly, you are so so right too!  You see, perspective is a beautiful thing!!  In the 75 hours that we were encountering travel hell, we learned that our precious boys birth Mom was traveling 12 hours North and giving her consent to a judge to allow for this adoption to take place.  We didn't have to ever know that ... but the Lord sure did want us to.  I suppose he thought you were right ...  perspective is beautiful! 

 You see, we knew all along that our chaos was spiritual warfare, and we were pretty sure what we were battling ... but now we know WHY we were battling it!  It was everything that the enemy could do to keep us from making it to Ethiopia.  It was everything he could do to discourage us, because he KNEW if we did arrive, that the way was being paved for our little boy to be placed without reservation into our lives.  OUR LIVES ... the lives of a family who would most assuredly tell him THIS story ... the story of a redeemer that had been answering his prayers even before their was a need for them.  A story about a redeemer who had begun to grow a child in our heart, long before we had ever seen his face.  A story of a redeemer who had come to take our precious boys ashes and turn them into HIS beauty!  A story that we will most certainly tell him the rest of his precious days!  

So, there you have it ... Perspective!  You are right!  It is such a beautiful thing ... and even more beautiful, when you see the fingerprints of God sprinkled through it.  

Our journey continues ... he is still writing this great story!