Truth be told ...

Standing at the register, I notice the young man behind the counter who is checking out my groceries, looking at the T-shirt I have on.   A shirt with the continent of Africa on it, scripture on the front and back about the orphan/adoption ... one of the many that adorn my closet (thank you adopting families!).  He comments that he thinks my shirt "was" an adoption shirt - as if since, he has changed his mind about what I might be promoting.    Responding, I tell him that his first reaction was correct ... that I have two adopted children, one from Ethiopia and one from China.

THEN ... it comes, the first of two questions that leave me pondering the depth of education within our country.

"oh, if you adopted from Africa then why do you have the shape of TEXAS on your shirt"? 

Feeling like I am not sure if I should laugh or cry, I choke back any fleshly response I'd like to give and sweetly tell the young African American boy that indeed, this is the continent of AFRICA on my shirt and the heart is where Ethiopia is (you know, as in one of the country's within the continent of AFRICA'S borders).

This isn't my first rodeo with someone struggling with Geography.  I can't even tell you how many people have not known that Ethiopia is a part of Africa.  I even had one sweet lady stick her foot in her mouth before Z came home when she was telling me in a rather judgmental tone that "her friend was adopting from Africa ... that her child would be black".  This, all the while, we had just had a conversation about my ETHIOPIAN adoption and son with great support and excitement.  I often wonder if she ever found her foot when she saw a globe and realized that Ethiopia was indeed - Africa.

Anyways ... following this interaction , comes the mother of all questions.

From a beautiful and well dressed woman standing behind me in line and listening in on the conversation we've just had, she leans in and asks ....

"So, which one of your children cost more ... the one from China or Ethiopia?  Because a friend of mine told me that the kids from Russia cost the most".

After picking up my jaw off the floor, taking a few deep breaths and counting back from 10 ... I look this sweet woman in the eyes and answer.

"Both of my children were free".

Briefly pausing, I notice a very bewildered look on her face.  I go on to explain my response ...

"Well, in fact, my children were orphans and like all adoptions ... it's not the child that you are paying for (since that would be actually called trafficking), but the process itself is a process full of travel, home studies, an agency that must do all the work and more, Immigration services/fingerprinting etc.  Those things can indeed be costly ... but so is daycare in the States."

She smiles and says "Oh, that makes sense".  But I wonder.  Really,  does it?  

I don't fault this sweet lady for her question or misinformation.  Yes, indeed, thank you to all those magazine articles and misreported news stories that tells of "Rich" white Americans spending thousands for children abroad (desiring to be like, perhaps Angelina and Brad) that most people are uneducated about the truth of International Adoption.  Most people do believe we are "buying them" and don't understand why it must cost so much.  Perhaps if "they" (PS - who are "they" anyways?) knew the reality of those expenses and where they went, the stories and their opinions would sound a little different.  So let's see if I can break down some of them for you (or rather them - since likely my reader is too on this road of "services").    I won't bore you with all of them ... but you will get the point.

First, what you often hear is "that agency charges $30,000 for an adoption".  Being on the Board of one very strong agency  ... I can assure you, this couldn't be further from the case.  On the contrary, most agencies spend a great deal of finances to even open an adoption program, to keep the program running in a country, to promote adoption and to service families through the process.   A little misnomer is that these agencies are charging families hefty fees and making all sorts of income/profits doing it  ...
The truth be told, while an agency has to often run like a business, Adoption is actually a ministry - the ultimate calling of a "missionary", only this time the field is coming home!

Here's a little explanation of some of those costly fees

1. The "program" fees for our agency currently is broken into 3 parts and paid at 3 points in the process.  Realize that most IA adoptions are 2 plus years and each family is assigned a family coordinator to carry their case, help with building the Dossier, review for errors, take our calls/concerns, book our travel, have an entire in country staff doing all the background investigations on our child's paperwork, in country attorney's, embassy submissions, court appointments and more.  Many times, a family does not even know the extent an agency worked to prepare their child's identity/paperwork to be eligible for adoption.  That fee is currently - $6,000.  Since many adoptions are 2 plus years, that's about $3,000 per year to process your entire adoption.  This is the only fee that gets paid directly to the agency.  I've paid more than that for carpet/flooring installation in my home - a much less eternal and meaningful task, I might add.   
2. Orphanage Donation - currently $9,000 (broken into 2 payments).  While this sounds like a lot.  Let's do a little thinking.  I have friends who pay $1,000 plus a month for their children(s) childcare each month.  I don't seem to question that.  That is care given just during the day, does not provide food/bottles or diapers.  This donation goes back to the orphanages/transitional homes ... think of it as the payment for your child's stay ... night/day until we/you arrive and bring them home.  In Ethiopia, each child stays in our agencies Transitional home until they are able to finally make their way home.  Their are many Nanny's, a doctor, and a child's psychologist on staff.   The children eat 3 meals a day, receive bottles, changes of diapers and more.  They are also prescribed antibiotics as needed.  While that sounds like a hefty bill, my child was in an orphanage and or this Transitional Home for 1.5 years ... that payment is nothing - considering.   
3. Home Study - $3,400 plus another $600 when we did an update.  Yes, a social worker spent 4 lengthy visits interviewing us, reading through mountains of paperwork and writing the home study that will go to our sending country.  It's a necessary fee and from my knowledge, Social Worker's aren't the highest paid job in the country.  You can't adopt without a home study as this is the portion of the process that ensures that a family is ready to bring a child into their home.   Just as with any service, a fee is charged for the labor and materials of that service.  To add, most home study fees are not set by the adoption agency - but the state and area that a family is adopting through.   The price of a home study can vary depending on the area of the country you live so your price might look different than mine.
4. Filing my I-600 paperwork with our country's USCIS/Immigration - $830.   That fee allows a family/child's paperwork to be processed with immigration services.  This process not only gives permission for a family to bring an orphan into the borders of our country, but allows the child to arrive home a United States Citizen on the appropriate Visa.  What an honor!  
5. Health Inspections on my home (required for home study) - $46 
6. Birth Certificates (certified) - $76.50 for both of us
7. Marriage license - $9.97
8. Police Reports for our Home study (to show clearance that we aren't sex offenders - you get the point) -$30
9. TB tests and physicals for Doug and Cristie - $338 (required for home study)
10. Physical for Canyon (my oldest son who does not meet the insurance requirement for physicals) - $110 (required for home study)
11. Blood work (required for home study and prove we are healthy) - $800 (yes, our insurance STINKS - but that is another debate!)
12. Our first set of flights for our court trip - $5,238 ... uh huh, that 30K "they" like to throw out includes traveling to a foreign country.    We traveled twice and brought our oldest two children.   Legally, this is a requirement trip made by the sending country and is not a requirement by the agency facilitating the adoption.   On this trip, we stood before a Ethiopian judge and went to court.  On this day, Zebene was declared legally a "Martine".   For Maliah, we spent two weeks in China and not only facilitated the adoption, but took in the culture/sights/sounds and beauty of this country (one in which we might have never traveled - the ultimate vacation!)
13. In country travel package for 4 people - two weeks - $3,600 (trip one).  This included our guest house stay (with breakfast each day), guides, translators, and various meals including a traditional Ethiopian Meal.   For Ethiopia, families are not required to stay for two weeks - however - we took this opportunity to love on our sweet boy and immerse ourself/children in the culture of his birth.  While the trip was costly, the experience was priceless!  
14. Trip 2 - two flights there, 3 tickets home (1.5 weeks notice to book = expensive flights) - $5,000. Once the US Embassy cleared our son for a visa, we traveled again to bring him home.  There is little notice to travel once the Embassy clears a family so short notice booking of flights can be costly.  
15. Trip 3 - $1,500 - in country fee's.  Once again, this included breakfast each day, our stay at the guest house, in country guides and staff that met us at the airport and were with us the ENTIRE stay in Ethiopia - assuring that all the paperwork was process correctly and we enjoyed the visit of our child's birth country.  

I could go on and on with all the little fees along the way.   The fees to mail off your documents.  The fees to authenticate all your documents with the state department ($10 per page in that HUGE dossier).  

But do you get the point?  My "child"/children didn't cost anything.  They are not a commodity.  I did not hand over $30,000 to my agency or his/her families in exchange for them!  I paid for services and expenses to complete the necessary and appropriate legal paperwork that allowed me to adopt each of them - and I'd do it again!!  Yes, some countries are more costly.  Some countries you are required to travel twice and some once.  It's more expensive to stay in Russia than in Ethiopia.  China only asks you to come once but the stay is lengthier.   Kenya requires families to foster their child within the country and that stay can be a lengthy one.  Haiti's flights are cheaper than say, Africa.  Ukraine and Russia require lengthier stays and often multiple trips.   You see the point.  My agency is a "non-profit" agency and I can assure you, that they are not becoming "wealthy, rich American's" by charging me $6,000 to help me complete my adoption - one that took two years to do.  That agency, or any other has employees that must be paid too, to make this all happen.   Without their facilitations and their relationships with the sending country, most of these children and families would never be united.  

Do you see the point?  My answer has always been that my children are "priceless" to which is still a very true answer.  However,  I know people who pay far more for their cars than I did for an adoption and amazingly, no one at the check counter comments on the expense of my vehicle nor questions it's validity to make that happen.  No one asks about where the $30,000 on that new car is spent.  The labor, the materials or the "profit".  We blindly pay the cost on an item that will one day depreciate and fall to pieces and yet, their seems to be much criticism in the world about the "cost" of adoption.  But, you are right.  The reality is, adoption is an expensive process ... because it is a PROCESS ... one that has to be paid for to make happen.   The education needs to be the perspective of the adoption itself.  Adoption is a ministry - a calling.  Those families are missionaries.  The Lord says "Go and make disciples of all nations".  How beautiful is the calling of International Adoption.  First, the Lord is creating families and second, as families, we get to make disciples of all the nations - right within our own homes!   Indeed, their is a price to be paid!  

So I hope that a little education can begin to set the record straight once and for all.   Though my children are PRICELESS ... I did not buy THEM!   I hope that you will look differently at a family adopting.  Perhaps you will see the bigger story the Lord is writing in that calling - one that isn't set by the boundaries of money and join them - and support them along the way.