Monumental Milestone

I was standing at the counter and making dinner when I felt two little arms wrap around my leg.  Thinking it was Maliah, I looked down to see a head full of curly black hair.  Nestled up next to me, my sweet boy held on to my leg tight.  That could have been simply enough ... my heart felt so full

But the Lord gave me more.

Looking up, he muttered these sweet words ...

"Momma, I luf you" (all on his own, without prompting)


My eyes filled with tears.  I've waited 5 long months to believe and know that there was a space in his heart opening up for me.  He loves his Daddy - no doubt ... but Mommy often gets the "punishment" for being the one to make him tow the line.  I have been on the receiving end of some very opposite moments, including one where he shook his little finger at me and told me "Zebene no love Momma - Zebene love Daddy".  Even at 38, we want acceptance and to know we are loved.  We look for some sort of validation in our relationships and on that night, those words felt like a knife to my heart.  I remember putting him to bed - not even able to fight back my tears I told Zebene "You have made Momma's heart sad".  I walked out of the room, closed the door and sobbed.  I know he is 4 and what he said, he may have not even have understood.  But the reality is, his actions reflected on most days, those very spoken words.  To hear them expressed was more than I could handle.  I remember wondering if I'd ever find a way into that space in his heart.

So, June 24, 2012 will forever be a day etched into my heart.  On that day, I saw a piece of his heart open up for me.  I picked him up and hugged him tight.  I told Z that I loved him too ... and we squeezed "monkey hugs" we call it.   A simple exchange that so often parents take for granted ... but on this day, one that I will never forget.

"Love never fails".   1 Corinithians 13:8