Deeper than words

One of our most frequently asked questions when it comes to Z's transition is "How is his language coming along" or "Does he speak English"?

It's funny to me that this is the most asked question.  Language was one of the last concerns I had during this adoption process.  I mean, he's 4 - I was most certain that he'd learn fairly quickly.  I had also heard from others that it was something to not be concerned about as they pretty quickly will pick up words.    And it is true, we can communicate for the most part.  Zebene can most assuredly tell us his needs, initiate conversation, play with his siblings, point out pictures in books, sing songs and more.    We are on the right track and I am amazed at his progress he has made.

Yep, for all your wondering minds -  here we are - 17 weeks later ...and that darn kid can't keep quiet.  Most days, I breathe a great sigh of relief as I close his door for bedtime.  Not because of any other reason than my ears need a break.   Literally, this kid asks questions and talks ALL. DAY. LONG and yet calling it a "question" might be a stretch.  More like, a continual barrage of "Ken I's" (can I's) ... followed always by the funniest "O-KAY".   And one might think that an "O-KAY" would mean an understanding of what that parent/child just said, or perhaps an agreement of understanding ... but that is not the case.  Nope, "O-KAY" is just well, something he's heard everyone else say and gets a Mom or a Dad to stop "talking" so someone can go back to playing so someone says it - LOTS! 

For example;
Zebene "Mommy, Ken I, Zebene jump"?  (pointing to a trampoline at a home we were at)?
Mommy "Oh, no Zebene ... no jump (a trampoline without a net + 4 children = catastrophe - no thanks)
Zebene "O-KAY"

a few seconds (not minutes - seconds) pass.  I look over and see - who - why yes, Zebene - JUMPING!

So you ask yourself, did he not get that conversation like I though he did ... or was that just simply 4 year old defiance???  This is my perpetual question.  Daily.  Minute to Minute!   Defiance or understanding?

It's like that all day.  "Zebene come to Mommy ... it's time to go" (as Z hides under the dining room table).  - a few minutes pass - "Zebene, Mommy said come (feeling like I'm calling a dog), please come to Mommy".  Still no movement (though I can see him under the table).   More time lapses - "Zebene, COME ... we are going bye bye".  - Wait, Wait, and Wait some more -
Leaning forward, I grab two little arms and drag him from under the table.  Looking into his huge brown eyes and his mischeivious smile I say (sternly) "Zebene, when Mommy says come ... you come ... do you understand"?  Zebene responds "O-KAY".
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  UGH!   Yes, we've had that conversation before - in the last 20 minutes!!

Or how about this - Zebene kicks someone and I say "Zebene, we don't kick".  Looking at me and repeating one of his most favorite phrases he has picked up on, he says "I didn't". (while shaking his head no and making this expression on his face that says "who me ... how dare you?")
Feeling like my head might pop off, I say "Zebene, you did ... I saw you kick!  Did Zebene kick"?  Zebene looks at me again with those same big ol' brown eyes and responds "Des" (shaking his head).  "Then Zebene, you DID kick ... and you can't say "I didn't".  Do you understand?
"O-KAY"
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Repeat this one - 10 plus times per hour.  Seriously!

So yes, Zebene can communicate his needs.  He's learned lots of words and some of them blow me away.  I mean, the fact that he can call the "Chinchilla" a "Chinchilla" in the animal book is pretty darn impressive.  Seeing as how I didn't have a clue what a Chinchilla was until - oh - 17 weeks ago, I am pretty impressed.  But it's these things ... the times where you are trying to discipline.  The times you put him in a "time in" and after a few moments you go back and try to have a "conversation" with him about what has happened and you say at the end "Do you understand" and he looks at you with this wildly blank look on his face and then smiles and says "O-KAY" - only to repeat the same action not 5 minutes later.

YES YES YES, I know you will tell me - he's four.  That's not it peeps.   Nope, while my kid has many words and can say them - often in the right context - I don't think he often understands them at depth.  THIS is the one thing I hadn't considered when I thought language.  But true, deciding when something is defiance vs. understanding is super hard.

Having words - doesn't mean understanding!

Most folks think "language, conversation, meeting needs", those are the big concerns.  But the reality is, it's the things that go deeper ... Discipline, explaining what will happen next, what "summer" is and why his brother's and sisters aren't going to school, what a "Break" means or yes, "I didn't".  Man, that one has stumped me and made me crazy.  If I hear "I didn't" in response to one more correction - I might blow a gasket.   Think about it though.  If you were to tell someone, don't say I didn't when you "did" - "I didn't" means "you didn't" do something.  WHAT!!    Ummmm ... and well, what is "Did" anyways?  So confusing!

I could rattle on and on.  But then, I might sound like Zebene ... filling the walls of this room with all sorts of words - sometimes needed - but most often, just spoken to be heard.
So, I'll stop mumbling and sum this one up by saying that Zebene has words - lots of them.  He uses them all day long.  And we can communicate our needs and all the basics throughout the day.  He's super cute to listen to ... but now, we are praying we can communicate to a deeper understanding.

O-KAY?  "O-KAY"!