Fruits

I left my sweet boy for the first time this past week.  I did it!  I got on a plane and flew far far away for FOUR entire days at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit and Visiting Orphans Board Meeting.  Before leaving I told Z that Mommy would be going on a airplane.  He winced his little face and told me "No, Mommy hel-a-coter".  I then told him Mommy would come back.  He smiled and said "Mommy back".

I wondered for four days how my arrival home would be received.  Would he punish me by avoiding me?  Would he not make eye contact, seek only Daddy, test me?  I expected all those things and then some ...

But the Lord is faithful!  The Lord allowed me to see a window into the fruits of our labor.  The Lord gave me a small confirmation that my journey of attachment and bonding - our work - our one on one days - our rocking at bedtime and nap time is working!  Instead of all those things mentioned, I received this ...

Upon coming out of the airport and being greeted by my parents who had all the kids with exception to Canyon (who was with his Daddy at his baseball game), I spied Zebene through the car window.  I spied a smile, the little wave of his hand and nod of chin indicating "Come Mommy".  I got in and he seemed pleased that Mommy had indeed come back!  A kiss and hug and we were off to a great start.

That evening I rocked him before bed he looked up at me and said "No Mommy hel-a-coter, Mommy stay at Yebene's house OK"?   (P.S.  No matter the correction - airplanes are helicopters in Zebene's world).  Looking down at my sweet boy, my heart leapt.  He missed me!!  Smiling I told him, "Mommy's back and Mommy missed Zebene".  My heart was full!  Even better, I missed him as much.  The journey of attachment isn't just for our child.  The journey of attachment is also for us - the Mommy - who is learning to love the child the Lord chose for our family!

The next morning, I went to get my little guy out of his bed.  Opening the door to a sweet boy reading books, I was greeted with his reminder

"Mommy stay at Yebene's house, Mommy no hel-a-coter" (all the while, shaking his little finger no at me).

I heard this phrase multiple times yesterday.  "No hel-a-coter, Mommy".  Mommy would always respond, "Not today, Zebene .. Not today - but,  Mommy always comes back"!

I have either wounded my child forever or I have imprinted on his little heart that Mommy is a keeper.  If he was questioning if I would return ... I got to show him I do.  Whatever the true result of my four days away, I am choosing to believe that my absence indeed make a heart grow fonder - for us both!

Zebene Levi Martine, Mommy always comes back to you!!  Mommy chooses YOU!