Give me a break!

Spring Break that is!  This past week was a whirlwind of fun.  Zebene experienced all sorts of firsts and I tried when possible to capture a few through the lens.  These days, that is harder than it sounds.  Did you know ... I'm totally outnumbered!

Monday we enjoyed a day at the park with my parents and my sweet friend, Jen Verme who just came home with Alain from Rwanda.  Alain is 16 and he and Canyon spent hours playing soccer together that day.  Alain can speak pretty good English, but then again ... they are boys and they both speak the language "sport".  Who needs words!!  I wished I had a photo of them two together.   I don't because well, I was too busy trying to keep my monkey's safe on the park.  Any park photos were captured by Granny that day as I was busy catching THEM!

I awoke in the middle of the night Monday with a massive migraine.  I was sure I was about dying it was so bad.  Our Tuesday plans for Sea World fun were postponed and Zebene experienced a first ... going somewhere without his Mommy and Daddy.  Indeed, we had to break our biggest adoption rule yet.  I figured being cared for by someone was better than running the house amuck.  The kids enjoyed a movie and errands with my parents - all FOUR of them!  Thank the Lord for Granny and PiPa!  And well, one week later - things don't look any different in the attachment world so a few hours didn't seem to matter much.

Wednesday, Dakota had her horse lessons.  I decided to take Zebene out there with me.  For the first time, my boy who is fiercely afraid of dogs - pet two on his own.  He loved to say "horse" from afar ... but petting one, well, we're not quite there yet.  Baby steps, baby steps!

Thursday was Sea World Day.  My parents, once again, helped me with this endeavor.  Four kids, massive crowds and one that was on total sensory overload was definitely more than this Momma could handle alone.  The day started off great.  Zebene rode his first "roller coaster".  It was his idea.  Now, I'm not talking the Steel Eel or anything.  I am talking the itty bitty Shamu ride for toddlers.  But, this is the same boy who only recently will go down a slide at the park so these were some serious steps on his part. I won't lie ... he was TERRIFIED.  The pictures say it all.  Of course, when it was over ... he wanted to go again.

Can you see that terrified face?  

We made it!  And if you can believe it ... he smiled, giggled and wanted to go again.  

Watching Zebene experience Sea World was perhaps as priceless as the tickets themselves.  I about cried the first time that Shamu jumped from the water and saw the look on his sweet face of complete bewilderment.  He was SO surprised and amazed.  He literally jumped backwards in his seat and from that moment on, his eyes never left the water.  As the show ended a man behind us bent forward and made a comment about how enamored Zebene was with it all.  Little did the man know ... my kid had only been out of the walls of an orphanage and transitional home for 5 1/2 weeks ... life itself is one big Shamu show at this point!

Those eyes never left that show!  

It's a good thing that I have that sweet moment of Sea World.  The end of the day wasn't quite as beautiful.  During the wait for another show, Zebene decided he'd test his boundaries and his Momma.  Let's just say, I carried him out before the show began and 45 minutes later, when the rest came out from enjoying the dolphins,  he was just settling down from his long and drawn out tantrum complete with hitting and biting.  Whew!  I told Doug that Sea World was a little like the poop in the Brownie story we have told our kids.  You know the one?  When you make a batch of brownies with a bunch of kids and as your making them you add in just a little bit of poop.  The poop is supposed to represent impure things that you might add in your life.  As humans we like to rationalize those things (improper TV, music, language, etc), but the reality is, you wouldn't eat a batch of yummy brownies with a little bit of poop in them, would you?  Why add those things to your life?   Well, that was my day.  I'm human and I won't lie ... that tantrum and those moments were the little bit of poop to ruin my whole batch of brownies.  I'm working hard today to forget the poop ...

My big kid rode their very first roller coaster.  Here they GO!  

Priceless!  Caught them on the downside.  Dakota is the blonde with the hair going wild, Canyon is next to her in the orange!  They rode it two more times.  My thrill seeking, adventure kids!  

Wednesday was Doug and I's 14th Wedding Anniversary.   Seeing as how we are working to be the only ones to care for Zebene these days (unless Migraines are in the mix), we decided that we'd take the whole fam damily to dinner.  The Martine party of 6 arrived at Olive Garden to celebrate and well, celebrate we did!  We had a great time sharing in our celebration with the 4 bi-products of our years and love.  The waitress laughed pretty hard when I asked her to take our picture as a family.  As if Olive Garden was some hoity toity affair or something - I don't think she thought I was serious at first  (yeah, I could totally see the look on her face).   Little did she know, we were celebrating a whole lot more than our marriage ... this week ... I was celebrating that I was still surviving!  I was also celebrating that at nap that day ... I moved Zebene out of my room and into HIS.  That's right, our sweet boy is so excited to be in his own "tuluq" bed and well,  I'm just as excited.  It's made getting ready in the morning So. Much. Easier!

My dates for my anniversary ... less the one responsible for all of this

I know ... I have the most handsome boys around

Canyon and I and Dakota pondering 14 years of marriage

The whole fam damily!  So romantic!

Sweet nothings ... at least someone got them.

My view across the table.  Not a bad one.  

My honey ...

I think he likes that "Tuluq" bed

Friday Doug stayed home and joined us for the break.  We decided to go out the Guadalupe River for a little fishing and a picnic.  As we left the house the sky was black and it was beginning to rain.  Not quite the river experience I was hoping for.  BUT, it seems big catfish like overcast and rainy days.  Maliah dropped her line in and within about a minute caught about a 3 pounder.  You should have seen her face!  Better yet ... you should have seen Zebene's.  He's still telling me today, "feesh, feesh ... wat-ar feesh".   They ended up catching two more of equal size within just minutes.  But of course, with 4 kids ... fishing lasted only as long as it took to catch those and for me ... Momma ... to run as fast as I could to get the camera out of the car.  *sigh*
It wasn't long until they were all wading around and jumping rocks.  When we arrived at the river Zebene wasn't quite sure of the water.  When he doesn't like something, he whimpers and makes a horrible face.  He did that upon arrival but by the time we left I was having to tell him to stay up in the shallow areas and he was going to town throwing rocks into the water.

Maliah's Catfish

It's bigger than her head

You go girl!

Z wasn't so sure at first ...

You've got to kiss a few frogs - er - fish in your life before you get a prince!

River fun

My real break came on Friday night when a friend kidnapped me for a date night dinner.  As a fellow adopting Momma, she knew just how much those few hours would mean to my soul.  I can't even tell you how refreshing it was to sit on a patio, eat fattening food and laugh with a friend who has a kindred heart.   She also knew just the things I needed to hear about right now.  Words that she doesn't speak easily ... but ones that she has learned herself.  Things like "you don't have to feel guilty for not liking him sometimes" and "it's o.k. to have to remember the story ... the story of why you even got to this place".  Oh sweet friend, you hit the nail on the head.  I drove home knowing that she was so right.  Adoption is ugly.  I won't lie.  It's a brutal and hard process.  Think of the moments and hours that led up to the cross.  Can you imagine what the Lord must have felt when he was being rejected by the very people he was suffering to save?  As he was being beaten, spit on, lashed and bruised until he was bloody, do you wonder if he was thinking "Dudes, do you even have a CLUE what I am doing for you ... I am SAVING YOU"?

These days, we are Zebene's cross.  I get to bare the brunt of his anger and frustrations.  I get to be the one that he bites, kicks and rejects.  It doesn't feel good and well, there have been many moments that I have thought "Dude, do you even have a CLUE what your life would be like if it weren't for us" or better yet "Do you even care how much I have done for you"?  The reality is.  He doesn't.  He doesn't care and he doesn't understand.  For one ... he's four.  Secondly, he's human.  Thirdly, he's selfish - but then again, so am I.

But, the prayer is that one day ... just as in our own adoptions, he will walk over the bridge of redemption to full and complete healing.

So, my hours with my sweet friend were like a wind on a hot day.  I so needed that cool breeze.
Thank you ... you know who you are ... Thank you!!

So we press on.   We've hit the 6 weeks mark and today was a good day.  Well ... it's only half over, but these days, we're thankful for those moments that remind us that we are making progress in this journey called transition.   And well, on the harder moments ... we'll just remember this face.