Meet your Daddy ... THE BEST DADDY in the world!
Today is Father's Day. I'm going to admit, I thought by this Father's Day your Daddy would definitely be a Father to FOUR beautiful children. By this Father's Day, I thought for sure we would have seen your face ... and crazy enough, in the beginning, we thought you would be home or very close to it by now!
But, the reality is ... this isn't our reality. Instead, we feel further from you than ever. In an ever changing world of adoption in Ethiopia, it looks as though it could be a lot longer until your Daddy can celebrate being a Daddy of FOUR. This grieves my heart!
Levi, I think in my heart you are born and very alive somewhere. I am assuming that you are without a father ... perhaps. If this is the case, today you are Fatherless in the worlds eyes. So are a 163 million more children just like you. This makes me ache inside. This is not o.k. Today, Levi, you don't know it but YOU have The BEST Daddy in the world!
Recently and often I hear people say "In God's timing Levi will come home". While I know the Lord's timing will prevail ... I am going to be real honest, I just wish they would stop saying that. I wonder, if someone came and took some of those people's children away and and then said "you can hold them and see them in a year or ... "in the Lord's timing" that they would be o.k. with that. I'm not! It. is. hard.
Levi, you have a brother and sister that grew in my tummy. We know from science more than likely the day they were conceived there. I marveled with each growing day. I felt them kick, got to see their heart beat and as they grew bigger and bigger could see their little arms and feet move across my belly as they did. Everyone watching on also got to celebrate those milestones. No one ever told me "in God's timing" I would see them. Of course they didn't, the timing was rather obvious.
You also have a sister, Levi, that grew in my heart. It took 23 long months to "deliver" her. But, just as with your big brother and sister, I also felt her grow. Each day she became more and more real. Each day, though I couldn't feel her kick, couldn't see her heartbeat or see her little body move within me ... my heart could. Each day we longed deeper and deeper to know her. But, with each day, often good meaning friends would tell me that I would know her "in God's timing". It was so hard ... but indeed, they were right, his timing was perfect!
Levi, you are the same. You have been conceived somewhere deep in our hearts. We don't know the day you will join our family, but just as with all our other children ... we ache to hold you, feel you and know you! We know God has a "timing" ... but today, on the day I hoped to celebrate Father's Day with 4 children ... those words don't hold very much comfort.
Amidst what seems endless delays, we continue to pray in Faith that you, the child that was placed in our heart, is being prepared for us. We continue pray in Faith that while the world can't see what is being conceived in our hearts, HE CAN! We continue to trust that he called us to Ethiopia ... and that one day (yes) "in his timing", we will be able to say his timing was "perfect".
Forgive us if today isn't that day. Forgive us if today we just wished and hoped we could celebrate that YOU had a father too!
1 comments:
Oh, Crisite. I so get where you are right now. Waiting is H.A.R.D. No way around it. The good thing is that God does not hold it against us when we feel weak in the waiting. Instead, He gives us His strength to hang on when we feel so tired. And sad. Keep fighting the fight to Levi. Keep enjoying the ways in which you feel him grow within your heart. I always tried to figure out the "best timing" for God to let us see the face of our son. And although it seemed "late" to us, the minute we laid eyes on "K," we understood the extended waiting (much like for your Maliah, I'm sure). I wish you joy, even amidst the sucky part of waiting. I appreciate your honesty.
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