His words, not mine!

Throughout this adoption process I have concentrated a good deal of my efforts on learning what I can in regards to attachment.  Of course, this isn't in any way a "new" subject in our home having walked the road of adoption before, however, it is always good to be refreshed in ones perspective and to gain as many tools as possible when preparing for a new child in the home.  To add, because we are seeking an older child, I have a heightened awareness that their is a good possibility, we will have some work before us and so I am working to fill my "tool belt" with "tools".

Adoption isn't a place to wear ones "rose colored glasses".  Often, we find ourselves concentrating on the fun things when we chit chat on a blog; referral announcements, seeing our child's face the first time, our first family moment etc., but the reality is, the journey will extend far longer than most of you will continue to follow a journey for.  Many readers will think the journey is "over" and the chapter is closed after that long awaited family photo of "completion".   This so isn't the case and the reality is, that it is only where our real story will begin.

During my preparations I have realized lately that one of the places the enemy has begun to place fear in me is this very thing; attachment.  I have been reading a great book on "Toddler Adoption" called "The Weaver's Craft" and while the book is insightful, it also is terrifying.  There are many truths the author speaks of; anger, resentment, frustration and a lack of good attachment for children who are adopted during the timeframe of the toddler years.   This tends to be one of the harder ages to adopt, in fact, because as we have experienced through our other 3 children; the 3 year old age is the age where a child begins to naturally assert and want their independence.  This identity is in argument with the fact that a child from a different country, who speaks a different language and is also working on attaching to a family while at the same time is also in this stage of working towards independence.  This is often a breeding ground for frustrations, especially with the inability to communicate.  To add, it is such a young age to understand what in fact is going on around them.   As I read about this more, it makes my heart ache for our little guy and what is to come.  We anxiously await to celebrate knowing him while at the same time, the reality is, this will be a really scary time for him.  All these truths and this truth has left me with a spirit of fear ... will he "Attach" to us?

So, fast forward to this week.  One morning while having a quiet time I noticed that my daily bible reading had a "insight" inset to my day.  This insight had a list of biblical names.  I have loved thinking about a name for our little boy and early on we decided on "Levi" as we felt it held so many important meanings.  I wrote about that naming of him here.  But this day, while I took in the word, He brought me back again to the name we had already chosen.  The name we felt that he had drawn us to.  As I looked to my "insight" , there it was "Levi" with the meaning next to it "Being Attached".    Just as boldly as the words I just typed, that meaning jumped off the page at me.  At first I began to chuckle to myself and then those little laughs turned to tears as I realized that once again, the Lord who knows me also knew what my fear was.  He knew just what the enemy was using to place fear in me ... Fear NOT of HIM!  The Lord confirmed, in HIS word that he knows my chosen "Levi" and he knows this fear of attachment.  While the journey ahead may not be easy, I can look at his promise


                                                             "Levi" ... "Being Attached"