Letters to Levi (#1)

Dear Levi,

It's two days after Christmas and I wanted to journal to you as I know someday, when you are home, we will talk of the time in our lives when we were preparing for your arrival ... and the Lord was preparing you for a family.  I wanted you to know that indeed, He was preparing us for you ... even before we knew your face, he was growing you in our hearts.
Christmas Eve was an emotional one for me.  I can't exactly put my hands and words around what I felt but I remember very clearly feeling the same sense of emotion on the Thanksgiving we now know as the one where your sister, Maliah, was just born.  That Thanksgiving, I can remember vividly your PiPa praying for Maliah's safety and swiftness into our lives.  Little did we know, she had been born and left to be found just a few short weeks prior to that day and that prayer.  We had prayed that prayer on many occasions, but that Thanksgiving afternoon, emotions within me welled up and I had a sense of urgency to know who she was and bring her home.  That day, a pile of paperwork became in my heart, a daughter, with all the emotions that a mother would feel for her.  Truly, I look back and that day marked her birth in my life in a very vivid and real way.  I guess you could say, on that day, I felt my baby kick!

Christmas Eve felt the same.  Our Pastor spoke of Jesus presence ... and of God's promises.  All I could think about was you and for whatever reason, my eyes kept welling in tears.  Levi, on Christmas Eve, a pile of paperwork became so much more .... and we haven't even seen your face.
As we drove away from our church service, your brother Canyon asked what time it was in Addis Ababa.  We've loaded an app. on our new phones that gives us San Antonio time and Addis time.   Something about being able to know what time it is wherever you are makes us feel connected.  I often look at the time and wonder who is caring for you, where you are, and if you are safe.  Looking at our clock, it was 7:00 pm, and the Addis clock said 3:00am.  Canyon then said "Merry Christmas, Levi, I pray while you are sleeping that you know that you have a family who can't wait for next Christmas ... when you have a family and we have a brother".   I thought I might loose it.  Looking out the window into the dark of the night, driving through the hill country, Addis Ababa seemed a world away and yet ... you were so present in my heart!  I think I felt you kick!
I can only equate it to the days when your big brother and sister were growing in my womb.  Though I hadn't seen their face, in every way they were present.  Of course, they were, we all got to watch them grow.  When they got big enough, we could see them kick and move.  Everyone around me would marvel at my swelling belly with each passing day.  The difference this time, Levi, is that no one else can see ... what is also growing and kicking in my heart.  I guess that's the hardest part.  For the rest of the world, their is nothing visual to marvel over and yet, just as Canyon and Dakota were very alive and present, so are you!
We made Christmas cookies for you.  Sugar cookies in the shape of Africa adorned the dessert table at Nana's.  Others didn't notice or seem to comment on them ... but for your Mommy, they were my reminder to everyone else that you were present and well, my belly is getting bigger and bigger.  Do you like my maternity clothes?
An ornament rests at the top of the tree.  An Africa continent with the initial "L" in the middle.  We hung it their as a reminder of God's promises ... one day, we won't just visit the people of Africa, but we'll bring a little piece of it home with us!  Your birth into our lives will be just as celebrated!

Christmas was a blessed time.  We enjoyed a quiet morning with your brother and sisters who had a blast tearing into each present and marveling over each special new toy and gift.  I sat and watched and wondered what your first Christmas would be like ... or your first ice cream, your first birthday celebrated, your first night home.  It made me think that we will get to share so many firsts with you and each of them will be like Christmas morning to me ... a present and a gift to marvel!  Every parent gets to celebrate a child's "First", but ours will be so different.  You will be old enough to also "celebrate" them with us and I think their will be something sweet and maybe even something bitter about that.
Granny and PiPa came later to share in their gifts as well.  As they handed out each Grandkid gift, Canyon yelled ..."where is Levi's pile?".  Yes, Levi ... it wasn't just my heart that longed for you, but your Granny and PiPa also didn't forget that while you were a world away, you were very present.
They bought a book for you that we can record our voices reading it to you.  Even before we bring you home, we'll get to send you packages with other traveling families and we can't wait to send you this one.  Fitting, the book is called "Guess How Much I Love You".  I wish I could be there the first time you read it, but I will rest in God's promises that one day, we'll read it together at HOME!

This week we prepare to celebrate the closing of one year and the anticipation of what 2011 will bring.
I am praying, Levi, that just as God called us to you, that 2011 will be the fulfillment of that promise.  We wait in excited anticipation to "know" who you are even though, in some strange and odd way ... this Christmas, you were already very present.
I'm hoping labor and delivery will come quickly.  Each pregnancy is marked by stretch marks and pains and well, this one is no different.
Awaiting now your sonogram (a referral picture) ... and to announce "it's a boy"!  Come on referral, come on referral!